Mixed Feelings at Narva’s Border

I distinctly remember the sense of awe I felt the first time I walked to Narva’s border and looked across the river to see Russia. The experience felt surreal, as Russia, the country whose language I had dedicated the past two years of my life to intensely studying, was a short swim away. Additionally, given the geopolitical hot seat Russia is in today and its sour relationship with Estonia, I expected the border to be more militarized and tense. However, instead of walking in the middle of an intense standoff, I felt as though I was taking a stroll in a park. 

I didn’t know how to process these emotions at the time. The days before I first saw the Russian border were a rush. Flying from Boston to Frankfurt, then to Tallinn was the longest I’d ever flown and my second time in Europe. After landing in Tallinn, I felt a mix of excitement, jetlag, and nervousness. My first night in Tallinn and the following day in Narva were spent excitedly exploring Estonia, meeting new friends, and adjusting to my new schedule. 

Within this context, after I walked along the river on my first night in Narva, I attributed my mixed feelings of awe and confusion partly to jet lag, excitement, and nervousness to start my classes. However, when I ran along the river the next morning, I felt the same sense of grandiosity. The following day I visited the river twice more and felt the same way. Having visited the border many more times better adjusted to life in Narva, I now attribute my feelings solely to the uniqueness of Narva’s river promenade. 

Acknowledging the history of Estonia’s relationship with outside powers, the importance of this border is clear. However, one can’t help but feel as though the border is arbitrary or purely notional given its recreational atmosphere. I hope to decipher these emotions and deepen my understanding of Narva while I am here. Additionally, I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be able to visit Narva in person and experience the complexity of the Russian-speaking world on a personal, emotional level.